Welcome to the unknown!
Wow! It’s been a long time guys and a big welcome to those reading my blog for the first time. I have to remind you to please read my profile to have a little understanding of how I draw my conclusions. I have to say in the last year a lot has happen and a lot of topics would have been fantastic to write about but one topic kept coming up for me and for a lot of the people around me. The things we don’t know in life if we were to do this, that or nothing at all can lead to frustration, stress, unhappiness and sometime the unknown can lead to despair.
Welcome to my new blog!... yes, it’s been ages, I have been doing stuff but doing nothing..hahaha. You know what I mean!.. As always I only write when I am inspired by something happening to me or my friends. This is not to say nothing has been happening but I always wait for that common denominator that cuts across to most people before I start. This topic has bothered me for so long but I didn’t have the right words or phrases to use. Somehow I couldn’t articulate it properly until now.
You know the feeling that things are just not happening for you can sometimes be overwhelming! And the frustration can really drive you mad. It is even tolerable when you can control what that is but unbearable when it is beyond your control and the people who are in-charge seem not to give a F*@k how you feel or may not even have considered you in the matter.
Guess what? It is even worse when these same people tell you that they represent you and that they understand how you feel. No they don’t!.... Ok before I digress to politics, I better return to the feeling of helplessness that can take over our situation and drive us to the verge of no return. Yes, it is not only man made problems, it can be of emotional dilemma, it can be financial, it can be about hurt, it can be about dream, it could even be about someone else. But that feeling that you can’t really place your finger on it, that feeling that you just know that you are stressed and it is getting closer and closer to pushing you over the edge and you just want to get away from it all… at this point I have to say if you feel this way all the time it means that you have started your journey to no return. But I hope this blog will put a halt to that and you can turn around and walk to success and your destiny.
The fear Factor of the Unknown
Now at the very point of my own entry into the worm hole of frustration and the painful reality to admit that yes I am frustrated too. I have been able to find the words to articulate what I wanted to say and to rescue so many others and to save us all from despair, because that my friend is a deeper hole to come out of. The numbers of young people (not that I include myself in the young people ha ha) that suddenly have heart problems, that give up, that hope for a better tomorrow but don’t know where to start from? You will be shocked as to how we have not just all gone crazy!.. the funny thing is ( funny as in silly not funny as in ha ha) there are still so many young people living well, with great hopes for the future and they know it will happen, there are those solving the problems of the world and there are still those recovering from the worst illness they have ever suffered from.
So what do we say to that? Some are frustrated and others are doing well, what should we take from that? Should we just say they are lucky to be from wealthy families (they probably are). Should we just say they are lucky to be who they are (they probably are. According to The Duke of Cambridge “I am fortunate to come from a loving family” basically I am a Prince”). Should we just take it that some are so unlucky in love and maybe in life that nothing really good comes their way? Or is there another way to look at this and to face up to the reality we find ourselves in. For some the search for someone to love or to be loved, for some the financial break through, for some the change of jobs for better pay or recognition, while for some it is to even find a job, for some the complicated relationships that drags them down, for some to stop living from day to day on very little, for some the frustration has led to despair, for some not to rock the boat of a relationship they know is over but can’t end it, for some to hope in the hopeless situation is like an insult to them because they have been at this level for so long.
I cannot say for sure that I have the answers to these problems but I do know for a fact that all things will pass in time. All things will pass us all and that when our time comes we will die and leave it all behind. If any of the above problems have not befallen you, then don’t worry about this blog, just enjoy the read and laugh about it. But if some of the above issues affect you and has driven you to the edge and you feel like today can’t finish fast enough, well I welcome you to the beginning of a new day. As I deal with issues on my blog, I find it therapeutic for me too because I am as open as I can be and as soul searching as possible for a man in his private study or room. One thing I have noticed is that if you look closely at people you will see pain, but in that pain you will see the determination to continue, never to give up. But I have to admit that sometimes I have seen the pain and a complete collapse of the will to fight that can be the most disheartening thing you can see in a person’s eyes.
Our greatest enemy to survival is fear of the unknown! That is exactly the reason it is crippling and very powerful, the fact that it is an unknown. If you want to do anything in life you are meant to calculate it, plan it and at least have an idea of the outcome. This is how life works right?... so imagine a lady who is in her late 30s/early 40s and really wants to be married with kids or imagine a man who is in his late 40s/early 50s who had hoped to be the director of a successful business all his life but has just lost his business ? On the face of it, it is a really bad situation and truth be told it does not look good at all!... Your greatest enemy sets in the fear of the unknown, because your rational mind and everything around you says it has become very difficult and probably you can’t meet a man now or you can’t start all over now. These comments are probably true to the extent that the probability to recovery is slim.
The fact Factor of the Unknown!
But I want to tell you that in that very fear of the unknown lies the answer and solution to the problem. The fact that it is unknown is a good thing!.. Yes I said it!.. it is a good thing!... for you and for many people you have simply accepted statistics as the sum total of your existence. Not only did you accept statistics but you took the negative side of the statistics because it allows you some sense of comfort in the pain, in accepting failure and believing that you did all you could and it is not your fault (and yes it genuinely may not be your fault if it is medical) and that there is nothing you could have done. Great! Just great!... but stop for a minute my friend and think. I asked myself the same questions. Why shouldn’t you be among the few ladies who will meet someone at a later stage in life, be married, have kids and be happy? Why can’t you be the older man who invited Kentucky Fried Chicken after all he was retired? Or be like Mr Dyson instead of crying about hovering the house make a better hover! I have not found anything written anywhere or in any culture that denies you hope as long as there is life! So the unknown does not have to carry fear with it. You have to look at the unknown in the face and say “ While I may not know what tomorrow will bring and while I may not at the moment see any good around, I am confident and certain without a shadow of a doubt that I WILL MAKE IT”
I know it sounds crazy to you right now, your home is gone, you can’t pay school fee, your business is getting worse, everyday letter from creditors, the doctors have told you it’s over, unable to have a holiday, unable to pay your bills and yes you can’t even go out because you don’t want people to know you are broke! My friend, I tell you with all that is in me and all that is created by God and for the very fact that you are alive. There is no reason why your tomorrow cannot be better than today, you will only fail if you stop trying, you will only be overcome by fear if you listen to her, you will only lose if you die of old age or natural causes. And if you die before it’s all done, then you have won because you never gave up and you would have left something for others to finish. So to me you are a winner, to me and to many others you are a champion. You are a god on earth to rule over it because your creator is GOD.
I see myself, all my friends and all of you who read this blog to become that which no man can take from you, your vision and your purpose. Now my friends let us arise and wipe those tires of pain, the hurt, the let downs, the things and people we have lost, the frustration that we have not reached our goals, let us now adjoin the battle of life with more certainty and more confidence in the knowledge that the Fear of the unknown is not for us because we now know that in that situation lies the answers to our problems. Because from now on we will look at the situation from a different perspective instead of with fear we will look at it with the laughter of victorious overcomes saying “ I WILL MAKE IT” because I am alive with vision and purpose!... If I gave you a photograph you would look at the front page to see the picture right? You will not look at the back because there is nothing there to see. Life has two sides no matter how blank one side may be.
I see the truth (the picture) about myself that I will overcome the frustration of the present time, I see myself that I will over the difficulties of the present moment and yes I see myself as a prince born of infinite peace and resource because of whose I am and yes you too are of such power and possibilities not because I wrote it or because you read this blog but because it is true. With a full knowledge that our GOD is alive and well!
So knowing what the fears are and knowing what the facts are about the unknown, knowing that the only thing you know is that nothing will change except you do something about it. Armed with this fact and the confidence that while you are alive there is hope, you my friend have become part of the solution to your problem “the unknown factor”
Don’t forget to comment or forward this blog to someone it may help them too.
Sunday, 19 June 2011
Tuesday, 20 July 2010
Pregnant with Expectations!
Hello!.. Guys it’s me again! First I would like to say sorry to all of you who have been reading my blog and have been waiting for something new to come up. Sorry for not writing sooner, I guess I was kind of waiting for that special thing to happen and trigger me to write and as always I write real life situations or at least I share my little experiences in life wrapped up in some kind of wisdom..hahaha
Most of my writings in the past had been about men and women and the intricacies that come with that or better still, relationships from the man’s perspective which is so often forgotten about. But with this blog I want to deal with an issue that is affecting everyone right now and that is financial difficulty or as the government would put it “recession”
Everyone is in a hurry to blame the bankers but the problem with that is that the bankers did not force you to take a mortgage or loan. We are quick to blame the government but we could have simply looked closely at their policies before voting for them but instead we were trapped by the political division that we have come to accept. People have even started blaming immigration for the problems. The thing is no matter whom we blame or what your opinion is, the truth is we are here now and there will be varying levels of casualties. From the millionaires that will become simple men like you and I, to the hard working man/woman who will lose his/her job.
But there are also those who will keep their jobs and some who will make money in this difficult time. Even though these people exist, the general mood of the country or someone they know who lost a lot has made them unhappy too. So are we to remain in this sadness for as long as there is recession? Are we to have our happiness denied us because of the situation? Is our life only linked to our financial ability? Could there possibly be anything else that can make us happy? As always I ask the question and I try to answer it!
Pregnancy
We all need to be pregnant to overcome this.. Yes! I said it; we all need to get pregnant. I know what you are thinking right now! Has Josh gone crazy? There is no money and he is taking about pregnancy? Hahaha.. Well hold on! I am talking about pregnancy, yes! But not pregnancy as you know it. I would like to define what I mean by pregnancy.
I believe that everyone understands pregnancy; even men know what it is to say someone is pregnant. The feelings are different but a man knows what pregnancy looks like and how to treat a pregnant woman with care. So let’s define this pregnancy issue, I believe that when a woman is pregnant there is so much care taken to ensure she is doing well because everyone accepts that she is carrying a precious gift “ Life!”. The life we see her carrying is real but we are still so careful and protective of her and the life she is carrying inside her, we believe in this need to handle her with care and somewhere is our heart we “hope” everything will be ok.
I would like to bring your attention to the word HOPE and yet we see the LIFE in her but still we HOPE that everything will be ok. If you don’t mind I would like you to replace the LIFE you see in her with a “PLAN/PROJECT” that you have already started or JOB or your INTERVIEW or the very fact that you are STILL ALIVE.
Now if you read the above sentence again, replacing LIFE with PLAN and applying hope in the same contest is will read “The plan we have is real but we are still so careful and protective of our plan, we believe in this need to handle it with care and somewhere is our heart we “hope” everything will be ok”. So my definition of pregnancy in this contest is that everyone has a hope based on a plan, project, job, belief or desire and this very ability to hope is what I define as pregnancy.
Therefore, even though we hope that things will be ok, we do not have the certainty that it will be fine. This is the position that most of us find ourselves in life; it is at the premature level that most people give up on things. This is the most difficult time, a time that we should persevere; hold on to whatever it is we so hoped for. It could be the man/woman you love so much and they are just not being fair to you, to the big life changing decisions that makes you feel the world is going to come down on your head, the loss of a seemingly perfect job, the hope to find love someday while it looks like no man/woman fancy’s you. At this time of “pregnant hope” you cannot afford to let go, you must see failure as your enemy, you need positive people, good friends and family and most importantly faith in God. I know it is very difficult but this is the time you should not feel pity for yourself or tolerate people that want you to cry about life all the time, this is the time to move forward and be strong. Move to the next level now!...
Expectations
Now that we have dealt with pregnancy and the understanding of pregnancy in the contest of the blog, I would like to introduce you to the next level. “The expectations”, permit me if you will, to take a little time to define this to you and probably somewhere along the line tell you a little story to help my point along. Hahaha…
If a man were to say to his partner “darling, I will take you for dinner on Saturday night”. This statement is what I call “factual intent” the word “WILL” produce a sense of certainty that goes with it. At this stage the Lady probably will go shopping for something to wear on Saturday night and book a hair appointment, tell all her girl friends, she will not accept any other invitation for Saturday from any other friend, maybe somewhere in there throw in a visit to the Nail bar. (Ladies you know what I mean..Ha ha ha).
Here comes Saturday, and the man does not turn up or tells you that something else has come up so the dinner is cancelled!. Now if there are any men out there reading this, don’t try this at home!. You are most likely to end up in the hospital! Or you will behold a sight you will never wish for again!.. You will literarily see fumes coming out of her ears, clichéd fist, red hot eyes and a part of her that you thought only existed in cartoons. At this stage the worst thing to say as well is “ I will make it up to you”. You probably can make it up to her but she does not want to hear how capable you want to claim you can be, NOT NOW!.
So why was she so angry over a dinner cancellation, well it was not just about the dinner. The use of the word “WILL” brings with it an “EXPECTATION” that means guaranteed to happen. Your expectations are things that will happen, you know it in your heart that it will happen, and you know it from everything around you that it will happen. That level of certainty comes only with expectation! The expectation of everyone cannot be compared to the hope you have. Because “HOPE” is not certain but everyone’s “EXPECTATIONS” are certain.
Taking you back now to the earlier paragraphs about pregnancy, where I related “pregnancy” to “hope”, if we are agreed that hope is like pregnancy (you know the baby is there but you take your time to be very careful not to lose the baby, you nurture it and do everything you can). All this is done in the hope that you will have your baby. Now when the lady is now in labour and screaming, giving birth to that baby and all that goes with it, that hope that she would have a baby suddenly moves to expectation. There is an expectation that no matter how long you wait, that baby is here and will come out, that “EXPECTATION” that there will be a baby soon is “CERTAIN/SURE”
Conclusion
So now if I were to say to you that you should be “pregnant with expectation” for the future, regardless of how things look now, no matter how hopeless it seems and even if no one believes in you. That your future will be great, that you will be fine and you should not give up, when I say that now you will understand that the fight you fight right now cannot and should define you as a person. The difficulties you face now are simply infections and distractions to the fact that you my friend is “PREGNANT” with a precious gift and greatness inside.
You must not let anyone or anything take that from you, you don’t have a job, you don’t like your job, your family is falling apart, no one seems to love you, you believe you have lost a precious love, the financial situation is worst on you than any of your friends. I just want you to remember, “You are pregnant” and you are about to enter the labour room. This is not the time to give up, God is with you in that labour room, there is always one person there even if you don’t know it, your baby will come in this labour room, because now that you have been patient your “pregnant hope” will become “ a certain expectation ”. I want to welcome you to your victory to your next level in life. I too am in the hospital being wheeled into my labour room. Together, we must never give up we must never say it is over because now we know that we can overcome whatever it is with God guiding us as we walk in this life pregnant with expectation!
Most of my writings in the past had been about men and women and the intricacies that come with that or better still, relationships from the man’s perspective which is so often forgotten about. But with this blog I want to deal with an issue that is affecting everyone right now and that is financial difficulty or as the government would put it “recession”
Everyone is in a hurry to blame the bankers but the problem with that is that the bankers did not force you to take a mortgage or loan. We are quick to blame the government but we could have simply looked closely at their policies before voting for them but instead we were trapped by the political division that we have come to accept. People have even started blaming immigration for the problems. The thing is no matter whom we blame or what your opinion is, the truth is we are here now and there will be varying levels of casualties. From the millionaires that will become simple men like you and I, to the hard working man/woman who will lose his/her job.
But there are also those who will keep their jobs and some who will make money in this difficult time. Even though these people exist, the general mood of the country or someone they know who lost a lot has made them unhappy too. So are we to remain in this sadness for as long as there is recession? Are we to have our happiness denied us because of the situation? Is our life only linked to our financial ability? Could there possibly be anything else that can make us happy? As always I ask the question and I try to answer it!
Pregnancy
We all need to be pregnant to overcome this.. Yes! I said it; we all need to get pregnant. I know what you are thinking right now! Has Josh gone crazy? There is no money and he is taking about pregnancy? Hahaha.. Well hold on! I am talking about pregnancy, yes! But not pregnancy as you know it. I would like to define what I mean by pregnancy.
I believe that everyone understands pregnancy; even men know what it is to say someone is pregnant. The feelings are different but a man knows what pregnancy looks like and how to treat a pregnant woman with care. So let’s define this pregnancy issue, I believe that when a woman is pregnant there is so much care taken to ensure she is doing well because everyone accepts that she is carrying a precious gift “ Life!”. The life we see her carrying is real but we are still so careful and protective of her and the life she is carrying inside her, we believe in this need to handle her with care and somewhere is our heart we “hope” everything will be ok.
I would like to bring your attention to the word HOPE and yet we see the LIFE in her but still we HOPE that everything will be ok. If you don’t mind I would like you to replace the LIFE you see in her with a “PLAN/PROJECT” that you have already started or JOB or your INTERVIEW or the very fact that you are STILL ALIVE.
Now if you read the above sentence again, replacing LIFE with PLAN and applying hope in the same contest is will read “The plan we have is real but we are still so careful and protective of our plan, we believe in this need to handle it with care and somewhere is our heart we “hope” everything will be ok”. So my definition of pregnancy in this contest is that everyone has a hope based on a plan, project, job, belief or desire and this very ability to hope is what I define as pregnancy.
Therefore, even though we hope that things will be ok, we do not have the certainty that it will be fine. This is the position that most of us find ourselves in life; it is at the premature level that most people give up on things. This is the most difficult time, a time that we should persevere; hold on to whatever it is we so hoped for. It could be the man/woman you love so much and they are just not being fair to you, to the big life changing decisions that makes you feel the world is going to come down on your head, the loss of a seemingly perfect job, the hope to find love someday while it looks like no man/woman fancy’s you. At this time of “pregnant hope” you cannot afford to let go, you must see failure as your enemy, you need positive people, good friends and family and most importantly faith in God. I know it is very difficult but this is the time you should not feel pity for yourself or tolerate people that want you to cry about life all the time, this is the time to move forward and be strong. Move to the next level now!...
Expectations
Now that we have dealt with pregnancy and the understanding of pregnancy in the contest of the blog, I would like to introduce you to the next level. “The expectations”, permit me if you will, to take a little time to define this to you and probably somewhere along the line tell you a little story to help my point along. Hahaha…
If a man were to say to his partner “darling, I will take you for dinner on Saturday night”. This statement is what I call “factual intent” the word “WILL” produce a sense of certainty that goes with it. At this stage the Lady probably will go shopping for something to wear on Saturday night and book a hair appointment, tell all her girl friends, she will not accept any other invitation for Saturday from any other friend, maybe somewhere in there throw in a visit to the Nail bar. (Ladies you know what I mean..Ha ha ha).
Here comes Saturday, and the man does not turn up or tells you that something else has come up so the dinner is cancelled!. Now if there are any men out there reading this, don’t try this at home!. You are most likely to end up in the hospital! Or you will behold a sight you will never wish for again!.. You will literarily see fumes coming out of her ears, clichéd fist, red hot eyes and a part of her that you thought only existed in cartoons. At this stage the worst thing to say as well is “ I will make it up to you”. You probably can make it up to her but she does not want to hear how capable you want to claim you can be, NOT NOW!.
So why was she so angry over a dinner cancellation, well it was not just about the dinner. The use of the word “WILL” brings with it an “EXPECTATION” that means guaranteed to happen. Your expectations are things that will happen, you know it in your heart that it will happen, and you know it from everything around you that it will happen. That level of certainty comes only with expectation! The expectation of everyone cannot be compared to the hope you have. Because “HOPE” is not certain but everyone’s “EXPECTATIONS” are certain.
Taking you back now to the earlier paragraphs about pregnancy, where I related “pregnancy” to “hope”, if we are agreed that hope is like pregnancy (you know the baby is there but you take your time to be very careful not to lose the baby, you nurture it and do everything you can). All this is done in the hope that you will have your baby. Now when the lady is now in labour and screaming, giving birth to that baby and all that goes with it, that hope that she would have a baby suddenly moves to expectation. There is an expectation that no matter how long you wait, that baby is here and will come out, that “EXPECTATION” that there will be a baby soon is “CERTAIN/SURE”
Conclusion
So now if I were to say to you that you should be “pregnant with expectation” for the future, regardless of how things look now, no matter how hopeless it seems and even if no one believes in you. That your future will be great, that you will be fine and you should not give up, when I say that now you will understand that the fight you fight right now cannot and should define you as a person. The difficulties you face now are simply infections and distractions to the fact that you my friend is “PREGNANT” with a precious gift and greatness inside.
You must not let anyone or anything take that from you, you don’t have a job, you don’t like your job, your family is falling apart, no one seems to love you, you believe you have lost a precious love, the financial situation is worst on you than any of your friends. I just want you to remember, “You are pregnant” and you are about to enter the labour room. This is not the time to give up, God is with you in that labour room, there is always one person there even if you don’t know it, your baby will come in this labour room, because now that you have been patient your “pregnant hope” will become “ a certain expectation ”. I want to welcome you to your victory to your next level in life. I too am in the hospital being wheeled into my labour room. Together, we must never give up we must never say it is over because now we know that we can overcome whatever it is with God guiding us as we walk in this life pregnant with expectation!
Thursday, 7 January 2010
Life and her delusions
The very existence of the human being is a complicated maze of male and female emotions yet these complications or for a better use of words this emotional quagmire is the beauty of love. For those of you who are reading my blog for the first time I want to welcome you to the pot of truth and my personal opinion derived from my personal experiences or those of my friends. Some of these opinions me drive you mad but if you read this with an open mind and the willingness to explore other angles of the argument of life you will enjoy yourself being mindful that I am very conscious of the existence of God in our lives. That said, I am also willing to learn so feel free to comment on this blog, I also want to welcome all my friends, those who read my blog secretly and those who willing and freely share it among friends.
What makes women believe that the best way to know a man is to read women’s magazine on 10 ways to keep your man or 10 things your man wants. These articles are then written by women for women about men! How funny! Is it a wonder then that ladies still can’t please their men? I must quickly warn at this stage that the ladies should not feel that I am attacking women, so please read on! I do not want to attack you or accuse you any less than I would the men. I only want to ask a question, why are there so many single women? And yet there are so many single me?
Since I asked the question, I will answer it too so you don’t have to goggle it or stop reading my blog in search for the answers. In other to explore this question and the answer that I will put forward, I would like to name my imaginary woman as CAROLINA and my imaginary man as DAVID. Also don’t forget the questions as you read the answers (even if you don’t see them as answers, consider them nevertheless) because you could easily get carried away in the gender brawl! In a nut shell we are still as ancient as our ancestors! We just need to accommodate each other a little more while keeping our gender instinct. If you want the long answer then read on!
Delusion of society – Who really cares how unhappy you are? Who really gives a shit if you are sick? Who really knows if you can afford the dress you are wearing? So what if you have the most expensive ring? Did it bring true love? So what! You went to Harvard, who will it hurt if you spend your last penny in that expensive restaurant so that you can belong? Who cares if you are a member of that club? Who gives a shit if your mother was the prom queen? Who cares if your father owns the company? It’s not yours stupid! The fallacy of most of these things is that nobody really cares only the one that loves you but because women are aware of these things some men will go to any length for it. Our society has become so false that both men and women have lost their way trying to please the “Faceless society”. Some people will miss out on love because the person is not from a certain area, skin colour or country and yet we claim to be intelligent beings. We have become victims of some glossy magazine written by some sad bastard somewhere locked away in his/her office playing with your fears and telling you that is what society demands. Show your face oh society! Identify yourself! So that we too may
scrutinize you!
Delusion of age – There is a sort of delusion that is going on with Carolina these days; the society we live in has become so selfish that we believe we have all the time in the world before we commit to a serious relationship. This delusion would make Carolina of say 24+ tell herself she is still young, so she keeps partying and all the crazy things that go with it. She does not pay attention to the real man David 30+ asking her out for serious relationships, her answer to him is “you are too serious for me right now” so she lives her life like there is no consequence to actions and on a fast track! The funny thing is at this stage David himself may not be sure but he does what he believes would keep the girl of his youth, believing he is man enough to handle it. Suddenly Carolina blinks and she is 30+ now beginning to feel a sense of natural pressure, forgets about career, party and fast track. But now David 38+ and is gone.
Delusion of money – One of the greatest disappointments of the modern age is the inseparable link between success and money. Carolina now 35+ has done it all, lived on the fast lane, done the men thing, has the job and very very well paid I must add, and every couture shop in town knows her name. The question then will be, is she happy? Answer no! Because David 42+ who would love to be with her can’t be with her for long because he has a job but not as well paid, he has lived the life too. But whenever there is an argument or disagreement, Carolina would snap at him “I don’t need a man to survive, I have it all”. At that moment the very thing that makes David a man begins to die or begins to become angry, now David begins to evaluate his circumstance, he begins to feel he has no voice and his male instinct to protect and provide begins to scream for help. If only Carolina had just been mindful that the money does not give her male instinct. If your money is used properly, it could be a very powerful source of support rather than thinking that money makes you the man...oops!
Delusion of no emotion – Of all the studies carried out on human behaviour or human emotion, it is really strange to think that the studies carried out on men get very little publicity, not to mention that the studies on men’s emotions are very limited. Ladies, do not be deceived by the seeming strength of the man, he is an emotional wreck when you leave him or when the brake up happens. So gentlemen (or those of you who have brothers, nephews etc) it behoves us all to talk to men, get them talking about the things that really trouble them. Be a shoulder to lean on when things go wrong, be the mate to invite him out, be the listening ear and identify with him. Men, it is not masculine to lie to yourself about your pain, a real man is a man who knows when to cry and when to laugh, when to run and when to fight, when to be romantic and when to say no, when to say sorry and when to stand your ground. Believe me these things are more difficult to do than isolate yourself to destruction, men tend to climb the ladder of self pity faster and higher than women, so gents lets stand up and be called by our name!
Do you still remember the question I asked above in the second paragraph, take a look again and go through some of the things I have called delusion and you will be surprised at how many of us these things affect. So if relationships are going to happen and last, I would suggest the following
· You must be at peace with yourself
· Know what you want, because then you will know what you can give
· Become selfless
· Just remember no one is perfect including you
· Appreciate the nature of love – pure, forgiving, sincere and most times makes you feel stupid because of the things you may have to put up with
· Accept the person for their strength and weakness
· And most importantly make sure that the other person really wants the same things as you, because then you will build on the biggest gift of all LOVE
What makes women believe that the best way to know a man is to read women’s magazine on 10 ways to keep your man or 10 things your man wants. These articles are then written by women for women about men! How funny! Is it a wonder then that ladies still can’t please their men? I must quickly warn at this stage that the ladies should not feel that I am attacking women, so please read on! I do not want to attack you or accuse you any less than I would the men. I only want to ask a question, why are there so many single women? And yet there are so many single me?
Since I asked the question, I will answer it too so you don’t have to goggle it or stop reading my blog in search for the answers. In other to explore this question and the answer that I will put forward, I would like to name my imaginary woman as CAROLINA and my imaginary man as DAVID. Also don’t forget the questions as you read the answers (even if you don’t see them as answers, consider them nevertheless) because you could easily get carried away in the gender brawl! In a nut shell we are still as ancient as our ancestors! We just need to accommodate each other a little more while keeping our gender instinct. If you want the long answer then read on!
Delusion of society – Who really cares how unhappy you are? Who really gives a shit if you are sick? Who really knows if you can afford the dress you are wearing? So what if you have the most expensive ring? Did it bring true love? So what! You went to Harvard, who will it hurt if you spend your last penny in that expensive restaurant so that you can belong? Who cares if you are a member of that club? Who gives a shit if your mother was the prom queen? Who cares if your father owns the company? It’s not yours stupid! The fallacy of most of these things is that nobody really cares only the one that loves you but because women are aware of these things some men will go to any length for it. Our society has become so false that both men and women have lost their way trying to please the “Faceless society”. Some people will miss out on love because the person is not from a certain area, skin colour or country and yet we claim to be intelligent beings. We have become victims of some glossy magazine written by some sad bastard somewhere locked away in his/her office playing with your fears and telling you that is what society demands. Show your face oh society! Identify yourself! So that we too may
scrutinize you!
Delusion of age – There is a sort of delusion that is going on with Carolina these days; the society we live in has become so selfish that we believe we have all the time in the world before we commit to a serious relationship. This delusion would make Carolina of say 24+ tell herself she is still young, so she keeps partying and all the crazy things that go with it. She does not pay attention to the real man David 30+ asking her out for serious relationships, her answer to him is “you are too serious for me right now” so she lives her life like there is no consequence to actions and on a fast track! The funny thing is at this stage David himself may not be sure but he does what he believes would keep the girl of his youth, believing he is man enough to handle it. Suddenly Carolina blinks and she is 30+ now beginning to feel a sense of natural pressure, forgets about career, party and fast track. But now David 38+ and is gone.
Delusion of money – One of the greatest disappointments of the modern age is the inseparable link between success and money. Carolina now 35+ has done it all, lived on the fast lane, done the men thing, has the job and very very well paid I must add, and every couture shop in town knows her name. The question then will be, is she happy? Answer no! Because David 42+ who would love to be with her can’t be with her for long because he has a job but not as well paid, he has lived the life too. But whenever there is an argument or disagreement, Carolina would snap at him “I don’t need a man to survive, I have it all”. At that moment the very thing that makes David a man begins to die or begins to become angry, now David begins to evaluate his circumstance, he begins to feel he has no voice and his male instinct to protect and provide begins to scream for help. If only Carolina had just been mindful that the money does not give her male instinct. If your money is used properly, it could be a very powerful source of support rather than thinking that money makes you the man...oops!
Delusion of no emotion – Of all the studies carried out on human behaviour or human emotion, it is really strange to think that the studies carried out on men get very little publicity, not to mention that the studies on men’s emotions are very limited. Ladies, do not be deceived by the seeming strength of the man, he is an emotional wreck when you leave him or when the brake up happens. So gentlemen (or those of you who have brothers, nephews etc) it behoves us all to talk to men, get them talking about the things that really trouble them. Be a shoulder to lean on when things go wrong, be the mate to invite him out, be the listening ear and identify with him. Men, it is not masculine to lie to yourself about your pain, a real man is a man who knows when to cry and when to laugh, when to run and when to fight, when to be romantic and when to say no, when to say sorry and when to stand your ground. Believe me these things are more difficult to do than isolate yourself to destruction, men tend to climb the ladder of self pity faster and higher than women, so gents lets stand up and be called by our name!
Do you still remember the question I asked above in the second paragraph, take a look again and go through some of the things I have called delusion and you will be surprised at how many of us these things affect. So if relationships are going to happen and last, I would suggest the following
· You must be at peace with yourself
· Know what you want, because then you will know what you can give
· Become selfless
· Just remember no one is perfect including you
· Appreciate the nature of love – pure, forgiving, sincere and most times makes you feel stupid because of the things you may have to put up with
· Accept the person for their strength and weakness
· And most importantly make sure that the other person really wants the same things as you, because then you will build on the biggest gift of all LOVE
Tuesday, 7 July 2009
Little notes
Love
Selfless, sacrifice, kind, true and forgiving. If you were to practice these things then my friend you have began your journey to loving someone or to at least understand love. Do not mistake comforts, fear, desire to satisfy a lack in your life as love and most importantly what you don’t have you can’t give. So if you can love yourself better still God, then you may just be able to love another person
Hope
Hope is the future that keeps you going because you believe that your tomorrow will be better than your today.
Negativity
I also wonder why some people just enjoy negativity so much, they tend to have a new sort of joy at creating pain for others and just being generally an itch to others, the more I wonder the more I realise these type of people have very little to celebrate in their lives and very little to hope for. Once you see them, you have seen the sum total of their life. So regardless of what they say about you they just want to satisfy their lack
Faith
I once heard a preacher say there is a difference between the fact and the truth about you. Those who believe in God would apply their faith and that triggers hope and miracles regardless of the fact on ground because your faith is based on God who can do things that are impossible to man, and this can make the fact of a situation differ from the truth of that situation. I believe in change, because anything that remains the same is dead!
Who are you?
Who I am is not as important as whose I am. I am defined by what I believe and not by what I see
Cowards
I would define the male version of this group of people as “big girls’ blouse” and there are very many of them now, especially with social network site and emails. People can’t even stand in front of others and make accusation directly to the person. And of course they defend their behaviour by further surrounding themselves with cowards, no surprises!
Peace or Fight
Failure to reach an agreement because of selfishness, self righteousness or stubbornness in the believe that you and no one else is correct on the issue could be the worst mistake you make because the passive partner who has neither said a word on the matter or has taken a position of peace may be more aggressive than you can ever imagine. Their pain and anger on that same issue could be bottled up and controlled for a greater purpose not because they are weak or unable to fight back.
But of what use is a fight when no one comes out smelling of roses, when you can simply resolve it. To this end I would like to encourage the seekers of peace to keep doing what is right for the sake of peace. I believe that from the perspective of the “accused” the desire for resolution is not necessarily guilt but a desire for peace. So whether you believe you are the victim or accused, the problem can be resolved by a genuine attempt by both parties because no problem has come to you that is new on earth. Seek peace first!
At this juncture though I must admit that someday you will have to fight and if you must fight, then my friend for the peace you have kept all this years, for the peace you have so cherished and scarified for, again my friend fight fight and fight till the last drop of blood and let anyone who may come against you meet with us, for we will stand together with you at the battle for peace and truth until our last blood is spilt, for we know the truth, we understand the peace and we NEVER LOSE
Selfless, sacrifice, kind, true and forgiving. If you were to practice these things then my friend you have began your journey to loving someone or to at least understand love. Do not mistake comforts, fear, desire to satisfy a lack in your life as love and most importantly what you don’t have you can’t give. So if you can love yourself better still God, then you may just be able to love another person
Hope
Hope is the future that keeps you going because you believe that your tomorrow will be better than your today.
Negativity
I also wonder why some people just enjoy negativity so much, they tend to have a new sort of joy at creating pain for others and just being generally an itch to others, the more I wonder the more I realise these type of people have very little to celebrate in their lives and very little to hope for. Once you see them, you have seen the sum total of their life. So regardless of what they say about you they just want to satisfy their lack
Faith
I once heard a preacher say there is a difference between the fact and the truth about you. Those who believe in God would apply their faith and that triggers hope and miracles regardless of the fact on ground because your faith is based on God who can do things that are impossible to man, and this can make the fact of a situation differ from the truth of that situation. I believe in change, because anything that remains the same is dead!
Who are you?
Who I am is not as important as whose I am. I am defined by what I believe and not by what I see
Cowards
I would define the male version of this group of people as “big girls’ blouse” and there are very many of them now, especially with social network site and emails. People can’t even stand in front of others and make accusation directly to the person. And of course they defend their behaviour by further surrounding themselves with cowards, no surprises!
Peace or Fight
Failure to reach an agreement because of selfishness, self righteousness or stubbornness in the believe that you and no one else is correct on the issue could be the worst mistake you make because the passive partner who has neither said a word on the matter or has taken a position of peace may be more aggressive than you can ever imagine. Their pain and anger on that same issue could be bottled up and controlled for a greater purpose not because they are weak or unable to fight back.
But of what use is a fight when no one comes out smelling of roses, when you can simply resolve it. To this end I would like to encourage the seekers of peace to keep doing what is right for the sake of peace. I believe that from the perspective of the “accused” the desire for resolution is not necessarily guilt but a desire for peace. So whether you believe you are the victim or accused, the problem can be resolved by a genuine attempt by both parties because no problem has come to you that is new on earth. Seek peace first!
At this juncture though I must admit that someday you will have to fight and if you must fight, then my friend for the peace you have kept all this years, for the peace you have so cherished and scarified for, again my friend fight fight and fight till the last drop of blood and let anyone who may come against you meet with us, for we will stand together with you at the battle for peace and truth until our last blood is spilt, for we know the truth, we understand the peace and we NEVER LOSE
Friday, 29 May 2009
Hold on to your Dream
In the last few weeks I have been having a strange feeling that most of my dreams will soon come to pass. Unlike HOPE our dreams are the point of contact or mental visualisation of our hopes or desires, in a dream you see yourself there already, you get a sense of the reality of that hope or desire, that thing you have always wanted to happen to your life to give you a sense of fulfilment. Of all the things that can keep you going and hoping, your dream is the most important.
Before we get carried away with the power of your dream, it is important to ask, do you have a dream? And if the answer is yes, have you been protecting that dream? If the answer is no, well you are in trouble already. For those with dreams, it is important you safe guard your dream because everyday life and on the spiritual side the enemy wants to destroy your dream, I cannot give you a reason for this because I will have to deal with a lot of things in order to explain it but believe me your dream is not sitting there looking pretty without an attack planned on it. When you first had the dream to become a doctor, to be the most charitable person ever, to be the best dancer ever, to have the best family home, to be loved like never before and so on, most of this dreams did not just flash past they were in your heart for a very long time sometimes form childhood and sometimes from the day you decided that you knew what you wanted. But something happens that changes all that and you settle for less, without any warning you are now living a life that you never saw for yourself, a life full of “ifs” and “buts” and that life my friends is not God’s plan for you. You are beautifully and wonderfully made to be happy, fulfilled and complete in all things that pertain to life and Godliness.
So what happened? Well, we gave up, we didn’t just believe it anymore and we felt we had run out of time. You must remember that a dream keeps popping up in your heart from time to time it’s not an emotional experience it’s a genuine call to become who you should be, it’s your inner man crying out for help. Hence once you start living a life that is not yours, you find that you are unhappy most times, you have become the most cynical friend a person could have and your perception of life is negative at best
Solution
First things first, you have to know what your dream is. So in keeping with the philosophy of this blog to draw from personal experiences and from that of my close friends (not very many I must add). I found out that whenever we seem to get closer to our dream comes the most challenging time of our lives. The push and pull of life, the distraction and the fear that you may not make it, for example at the time a young man’s wife had just been transferred to another town (she had to move to secure her job or lose it) she realises that she is pregnant. Another example at the time a young man was practically willing to travel back to Africa for a woman to marry he met his soul mate here but is now thrown into a family controversy, likes of which Shakespeare will be very grateful to write about.
In all of these situations these young men and women are close to their dreams and probably the happiest they have been in years, they didn’t have to have the added stress of having to deal with distance or decisions or like the second case to deal with family issues that they know nothing about. But this is exactly why you must know in your heart that what you are about to achieve is part of your dream, you must not let up or give up, there is no such thing as easy sailing life. There is no one that will not face challenges, the issue is not the challenges you face the issue is can you hold on to that dream. I have come to the conclusion that purpose of the challenges we face is to help purify our dreams, to put the dream to the text of fire so that just like gold it will be purified and come out pure and clearer for all to see.
Your dream is yours and no one can take it from you, not even the devil. You alone can destroy it or give up on it, so you must resolve at all cost ( without becoming a freak, being sure that it is your dream not emotion) to reach the end, to live a fulfilled life even if things don’t look good at the moment. Hold on to the little sparks of light; add some oxygen to that spark at the same time diminish the value of the challenges and hold on to your dream. This is the source of true happiness and if you are happy, others around you will be happy too.
Before we get carried away with the power of your dream, it is important to ask, do you have a dream? And if the answer is yes, have you been protecting that dream? If the answer is no, well you are in trouble already. For those with dreams, it is important you safe guard your dream because everyday life and on the spiritual side the enemy wants to destroy your dream, I cannot give you a reason for this because I will have to deal with a lot of things in order to explain it but believe me your dream is not sitting there looking pretty without an attack planned on it. When you first had the dream to become a doctor, to be the most charitable person ever, to be the best dancer ever, to have the best family home, to be loved like never before and so on, most of this dreams did not just flash past they were in your heart for a very long time sometimes form childhood and sometimes from the day you decided that you knew what you wanted. But something happens that changes all that and you settle for less, without any warning you are now living a life that you never saw for yourself, a life full of “ifs” and “buts” and that life my friends is not God’s plan for you. You are beautifully and wonderfully made to be happy, fulfilled and complete in all things that pertain to life and Godliness.
So what happened? Well, we gave up, we didn’t just believe it anymore and we felt we had run out of time. You must remember that a dream keeps popping up in your heart from time to time it’s not an emotional experience it’s a genuine call to become who you should be, it’s your inner man crying out for help. Hence once you start living a life that is not yours, you find that you are unhappy most times, you have become the most cynical friend a person could have and your perception of life is negative at best
Solution
First things first, you have to know what your dream is. So in keeping with the philosophy of this blog to draw from personal experiences and from that of my close friends (not very many I must add). I found out that whenever we seem to get closer to our dream comes the most challenging time of our lives. The push and pull of life, the distraction and the fear that you may not make it, for example at the time a young man’s wife had just been transferred to another town (she had to move to secure her job or lose it) she realises that she is pregnant. Another example at the time a young man was practically willing to travel back to Africa for a woman to marry he met his soul mate here but is now thrown into a family controversy, likes of which Shakespeare will be very grateful to write about.
In all of these situations these young men and women are close to their dreams and probably the happiest they have been in years, they didn’t have to have the added stress of having to deal with distance or decisions or like the second case to deal with family issues that they know nothing about. But this is exactly why you must know in your heart that what you are about to achieve is part of your dream, you must not let up or give up, there is no such thing as easy sailing life. There is no one that will not face challenges, the issue is not the challenges you face the issue is can you hold on to that dream. I have come to the conclusion that purpose of the challenges we face is to help purify our dreams, to put the dream to the text of fire so that just like gold it will be purified and come out pure and clearer for all to see.
Your dream is yours and no one can take it from you, not even the devil. You alone can destroy it or give up on it, so you must resolve at all cost ( without becoming a freak, being sure that it is your dream not emotion) to reach the end, to live a fulfilled life even if things don’t look good at the moment. Hold on to the little sparks of light; add some oxygen to that spark at the same time diminish the value of the challenges and hold on to your dream. This is the source of true happiness and if you are happy, others around you will be happy too.
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